Good Companions

I’ve found many a jewel in Hinds’ Feet on High Places. I actually had to go back a re-read it to let it sink in. I want to share some of the treasures I’ve found in my next few posts.

The book is an allegory about a spiritual journey followers of Christ can make. The protagonist (if any but Christ can be considered a protagonist), Much-Afraid, follows the call of the Shepherd to go to the High Places, where she will receive a new name and her physical and spiritual maladies will be healed. The Shepherd attends to other business at times during the journey, and he provides guides for Much-Afraid (although he will always come if she calls for his help):

“This,” said he, motioning toward the first of the silent figures, “is named Sorrow. And the other is her twin sister, Suffering.”

Poor Much-Afraid! Her cheeks blanched and she began to tremble from head to foot. She felt so like fainting that she clung to the Shepherd for support.

“I can’t go with them,” she gasped. “I can’t! I can’t! O my Lord Shepherd, why do you do this to me? How can I travel in their company? It is more than I can bear. You tell me that the mountain way itself is so steep and difficult that I cannot climb it alone. Then why, oh why, must you make Sorrow and Suffering my companions? Couldn’t you have given Joy and Peace to go with me, to strengthen me and encourage me and help me on the difficult way? I never thought you would do this to me!” And she burst into tears.

A strange look passed over the Shepard’s face as he listened to this out-burst, then looking at the veiled figures as he spoke, he answered very gently, “Joy and Peace. Are those the companions you would choose for yourself? You remember your promise, to accept the helpers that I would give, because you believed that I would choose the very best possible guides for you. Will you still trust me, Much-Afraid?”

Much-Afraid decides to trust the Shepherd, but recognizes her inability to do so without help and asks for his help. He then responds:

Go with Sorrow and Suffering, and if you cannot welcome them now, when you come to the difficult place where you cannot manage alone, put your hands in theirs confidently and they will take you exactly where I want you to go.

-Hinds’ Feet on High Places

Sorrow and Suffering seem like harsh guides, and I think it’s fair to say most of us shrink back from them. The Shepherd, however, knows exactly when we will need them. Through her journeys, Much-Afraid finds they can carry her where she cannot walk, and spur her to call on the Shepherd in her need. These fearsome-looking companions become Much-Afraid’s dear friends, and when she reaches the High Places and is transformed, they change also. Sorrow turns to Joy, and Suffering to Peace. It was only after Much-Afraid learned to walk with Sorrow and Suffering that her goal was no longer her selfish desire to be loved, or to be healed. Her desire was transformed to only long for the Shepherd and then Joy and Peace were hers as well.

 

Lessons from the Road

I went to a wedding this past weekend and it was wonderful! I would characterize it as a blessing and a challenge. It was a blessing because in talking to others, and through what was said about the couple in private conversations, and in the speeches at the reception, really emphasized how much God has done in their lives and how he has honored them for honoring Him in their lives. I was also overjoyed to make so many new friends at the wedding! I think it’s a real testament to the quality of people who surround this couple. I felt not only myself being blessed by the conversations and new friendships but many others around me as well. It was a challenge insofar as seeing the good things God has done, challenged and inspired me to reaffirm that yes, I want God to use me in his way not in my own. No matter what it takes, I do want to become the person He wants me to be, even if it doesn’t look like what I want, even if it’s the worst case scenario. I whole-heartedly say with the Prophet Isaiah, “Here am I. Send me!” Even if the sending in painful.

I had a lot of time in the car afterwards to think and pray about the encouragement I experienced. It was such a blessing to be able to open up and say, “Lord, I don’t like feeling the pain, I don’t like where I am, but I accept your will, help me to want it, help me to trust you, help me to desire You more.” It was probably the most honest I’ve been with the Lord in a long time, and it was much-needed.

Now I know this is a mountain top experience, and I may come down a bit off this high, but I think times like this are to learn lessons to hold on to in the valleys. Holding onto them like markers as in Hinds’ Feet on High Places. I want to implement these lessons in my life:

-God is at work, and will continue to do amazing things in people’s lives
-His will is not just good, it is best
-We must ever desire Him more and His glory
-We must love better
-It is good to want God’s will in your life and be molded to be more like Him
-Even though I struggle with the pain and circumstances of my life, I can be honest with God about that and ask Him to help me trust Him

It’s ok not to be  happy, and you can take that emotion, or however you feel, and lay it at the Lord’s feet. I realized I have been judging myself for not feeling happier about my circumstances, but I can be completely honest with God about how I feel, and it’s ok to ask Him to help my trust Him, to help me adjust my attitude. I know these things to be true, but sometimes it is difficult to put them into action. I feel a deep thirst reawakened in my soul for God. I think it may have dried up in the process of my own prayer: ” Lord, do whatever it takes to make me be the person you want me to be” being answered. No, these difficulties are not the result of God leaving me on the shelf, but they are the rough grindstone, the refining fire, fasting in the desert which removes those parts of us, those desires, false idols, or even just rough edges which need be removed. It is the transformation which Paul talks about in Romans 12 – and it is painful but gloriously beautiful!

“Therefore I begin to think, my Lord, you purposefully allow us to be brought into contact with the bad and evil things that you want changed. Perhaps that is the very reason why we are here in this world, where sin and sorrow and suffering and evil abound, so that we may let you teach us to react to them, that out of them we can create lovely qualities to live forever. That is the only really satisfactory way of dealing  with evil, not simply binding it so that it cannot work harm, but whenever possible overcoming it with good”

At last he spoke. “You have learned well, Grace and Glory. Now I will add one thing more. It was these lessons which you have learned which enabled me to change you from limping, crippled Much-Afraid into Grace and Glory with hinds’ feet. Now you are able to run, leaping on the mountains and able to follow me wherever I go, so that we need never be parted again.

“So remember this; as long as you are willing to be Acceptance-with-Joy and Bearing-in-Love, you can never again become crippled, and you will be able to go wherever I lead you. You will be able to go down into the Valley of the world to work with me there, for that is where the evil and sorrowful and ugly things are which need to be overcome.”

-Conversation between Grace and Glory and the King, Hinds’ Feet on High Places

Lord, I surrender all to you.

Take these hands and lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
See I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
That I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
That I have nothing
But I love You

With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
With all the strength that I can find

Take my time here on this earth
And let it glorify all that You are worth
For I am nothing,
I am nothing without You

-Bebo Norman, Nothing Without You

Threadbare

I’ve noticed recently several articles of clothing have worn thin to the point of ripping. I’ve lost jeans, pajamas, sweaters and even my favorite pillowcase (yes, I have a favorite -er- had). Now, you might expect such a thing to happen on occasion, but it seems like the past few weeks I’ve had more than my fair share of clothing… loss. Part of the problem may be that I tend to get cheap clothing, I’ve borne the labels of a chain of stores known for their red bull’s-eye for quite some time and am content to do so. Many modern styles of clothing are also quite thin which doesn’t help in the lifespan of the fabric.

Every time something else rips, I find myself in a miniature moment of despair: “Again??  I’m already stretched thin to live within my means!” I am content to wear old clothes, but must they wear out on me? Instead of Target I find myself shopping second-hand stores and trying to find something, anything, that fits and isn’t neon or paisley.  My resources are worn around the edges,  and again I feel like my life is threadbare.  Have I been demoted from a modest Target-level child of God to a Goodwill-level child of God? Some days it feels like it, but then I remember that God can make clothing last as long as needed. When the Israelites were wandering in the desert after their captivity in Egypt, the Lord made their clothes last for 40 years (Deuteronomy 29:5)! No, sustaining clothing isn’t beyond the capability of God.

Can I rejoice in this feeling of being ridiculous? Can I rejoice in this lowly state? Yes, yes I can. Maybe I can be a blessing to someone I meet, or maybe it’s just good that I’ll be reusing some clothing rather than buying new when clothing seems to be such a sensitive topic these days due to lack of transparency in production.

I feel like my life has become worse-for-wear, but maybe it needs to be worn-in so it will suit God’s purpose. I can’t help but think of all the times I’ve prayed that the Lord would make me into the person He wants me to be. This isn’t at all what I expected, but if this is the place where I will best be crafted, then I pray, “Lord, take these threads of mine and weave them anew.”

What Lies in Darkness

I’ve been reading the book of Daniel for a study lately and I came across this prayer. Daniel was a Hebrew, living under the rule of King Nebuchadnezzar  during the Babylonian occupation of Israel. Nebuchadnezzar had a troubling, recurring  dream and demanded, on threat of death, that his wise men and seers tell him what his dream was and interpret it for him. Daniel and his friends prayed for God to reveal the dream and its meaning, and when given the revelation, he thanked God saying:

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.
He changes times and seasons;
he sets up kings and deposes them.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.
He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.
I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers:
You have given me wisdom and power,
you have made known to me what we asked of you,
you have made known to us the dream of the king.

-The Prophet Daniel, Daniel 2:20-23

What’s interesting about the dream, and why I think it was so troubling, is that it  foretells the rise and fall of empires.  It’s a description of the (then) future of the world, ruled by the Persians, Greeks, Romans, and eventually Christ. Daniel praised God because He already knew how history would play out.

What really struck me was that God “knows what lies in darkness”.  Darkness is the very picture of the unknown, of fear. I can walk around my house easily at night with all the lights out, because I’ve lived here for years, I know the layout of the house, and where everything is. To know what’s in the darkness means it’s familiar territory, something you have already seen or understood. It’s another way of saying God knows the end from the beginning. To us, what lies ahead is unknown, and can be terrifying. However, to one who has already been there, the future is no surprise.

To be honest, I’m scared of the darkness, of what my future holds. Still, if God raises up the rulers of the world and determines the seasons of history, if wisdom and knowledge are His, then certainly He is great enough to guide us on our paths.

Trust

Trust means letting go; letting go of one’s self, and putting your faith in another. Some team-building activities will include a time where a person closes their eyes and falls backwards for others in the group to catch them. I feel like that’s what God has been asking me to do. To trust Him, to fall back into His arms, to let Him take care of me. Whether it’s society’s expectations or my own type-A personality, I’m so driven to be independent that I often ignore trust.   This mindset is contrary to the way we were made. I should be relying on God. I cannot survive on my own, I must lean on Him. I’ve heard it said that God is a crutch, and we’re a lame world.

It’s so counter-intuitive. You would think that it’s smart to plan ahead, to provide your your needs, yet while that is good, wisdom also says “if the Lord wills.” We must trust in a relationship with a Father who will provide for us. I can’t believe how many times I’ve heard the story, or seen it in my own life, that a great need arises, and is met in an unexpected way.  I think those who work in missions can especially appreciate what I’m talking about. You don’t know how you’re going to survive month to month, but the Lord provides.

An online comic I follow recently drew up a graph of  where the world’s money is (http://xkcd.com/980/). I was blown away by how just a small fraction of money could make a huge difference in a person’s life. We have no concept of how what resources exist and they all belong to God. He can choose to redirect them at any time to aid a need. Likewise,  the prayers of his people and His blessings are beyond what we can imagine. We think of just redirecting a little bit in the dollar category, when He can move the trillions and beyond.

What I’m assured of time and again is that we are not alone. God is there to catch us, even though we may be falling and haven’t felt His arms yet.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior

-God speaking through the prophet Isaiah, Isaiah 43:2-3

Health update: Thank you all for your prayers. I’ve been seeing a chiropractor and my back is actually improving. I’m trying to stay off the vicodin right now and hope that will be a permanent change. I still have the other pain, but I’m on a new drug that may help. Please pray that I will be able to manage the side effects of the drug and also pray for a safe move next week.

Seeing through a Glass Darkly

Call me sentimental, but I have a lot to be thankful for. I’ve come to a new appreciation of what I have. Recently, I’ve been asked a few times how my family is handling the situation, as if they might not be behind me, or might be disappointed in me.  Thinking about it now, my family has always been behind me. It never even occurred to me that it could be otherwise. I am so grateful to have my family’s support no matter what, they have taught what unconditional love is. I know I’m young and I’m only beginning to learn this lesson, but I really have a rich and full life. There are so many people in my life whom I love, and who love me in return, this means so much more than having a wealth or physical strength. I know that what I see now is now all there is to see. God truly blesses through people.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
-The Apostle Paul, 1 Corinthians 13:12