What Lies in Darkness

I’ve been reading the book of Daniel for a study lately and I came across this prayer. Daniel was a Hebrew, living under the rule of King Nebuchadnezzar  during the Babylonian occupation of Israel. Nebuchadnezzar had a troubling, recurring  dream and demanded, on threat of death, that his wise men and seers tell him what his dream was and interpret it for him. Daniel and his friends prayed for God to reveal the dream and its meaning, and when given the revelation, he thanked God saying:

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.
He changes times and seasons;
he sets up kings and deposes them.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.
He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.
I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers:
You have given me wisdom and power,
you have made known to me what we asked of you,
you have made known to us the dream of the king.

-The Prophet Daniel, Daniel 2:20-23

What’s interesting about the dream, and why I think it was so troubling, is that it  foretells the rise and fall of empires.  It’s a description of the (then) future of the world, ruled by the Persians, Greeks, Romans, and eventually Christ. Daniel praised God because He already knew how history would play out.

What really struck me was that God “knows what lies in darkness”.  Darkness is the very picture of the unknown, of fear. I can walk around my house easily at night with all the lights out, because I’ve lived here for years, I know the layout of the house, and where everything is. To know what’s in the darkness means it’s familiar territory, something you have already seen or understood. It’s another way of saying God knows the end from the beginning. To us, what lies ahead is unknown, and can be terrifying. However, to one who has already been there, the future is no surprise.

To be honest, I’m scared of the darkness, of what my future holds. Still, if God raises up the rulers of the world and determines the seasons of history, if wisdom and knowledge are His, then certainly He is great enough to guide us on our paths.

Life is in-Tents

When I first transferred to Biola, I heard Dr. Barry Corey give a speech by this title. With all credit due to him for the pun, I would like to add my thoughts on the temporal aspect of life. Dr. Corey spoke about how God calls people to follow Him. In the days of the patriarchs, they actually lived in tents, but we also, if we are to follow God, must emulate this lifestyle, being ready to pick up and move, be it in actual residence or in the direction of our lives.

The LORD had said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.

“I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you.”

…From there he went on toward the hills east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. There he built an altar to the LORD and called on the name of the LORD.

-Genesis 12:1-3,8

God called, Abram (later known as Abraham) followed. Granted, not every call comes in the nice packaging of “go here and I’ll bless all peoples through you.” Life is about following God, developing that relationship with Him. We’re only here temporarily, spending life in a tent, not knowing when we’ll move or when our journey will end.

I’m moving tomorrow, which is a new chapter in life. I’m not sure if this is going to be a short or a long chapter. I think it should be called “following God and not having any idea where you’re going.” Living as a transient for Jesus means not knowing, again, going back to trust. I thought I had some idea of the direction my life was going, but putting your faith in plans and predictability is to trust in false gods which will disappoint you. While I don’t know where I’m going, I do know my guide, and I trust Him, or, I’m learning to trust Him.

It reminds me of something I read in the book The Dream Giver. Sometimes we’re following a dream, but we don’t know what it looks like until we arrive at it. When we arrive, we may find that there is another greater dream beyond that dream which we did not see before. So I will look on this as an adventure in breaking out of my box to see the greater dream.

For those of you I’m leaving behind, I love you all. I hope our paths will cross again soon.

Epitaph to a Dream

Looks like I’m leaving Irvine. My Ph.D. advisor insists that I take medical leave since I can no longer work in lab. This means after this quarter ends, I won’t have an income, I’ll have to leave my friends, give up my apartment, sell my car, and move back home until I heal. I’ve been trying to fight for so long, and maybe this is what it takes to get well. None of the doctors can figure out the reason I’m not getting well.

What I’m afraid of is, how will I ever get back? I’ve been fighting so hard to stay, but if I leave, I would have to start all over again. It’s too much to think about. Maybe I won’t get  better so it’s just better that I not carry on. On the upside I can file for a terminal Master’s any time, because I’ve fulfilled the requirements.

Right now I’m trying to work everything out, and see if there’s some way I can earn an income from home, since that’s all I seem to be able to manage. If you know of anything, perhaps an online teaching position or something in editing, please let me know. The only thing that would keep me here now is a miracle: either I heal, or God provides in some crazy way. If you know of any other options, let me know.

This isn’t necessarily the end. I know that. It just feels like it, like something is dying inside me. I hope that’s my selfish nature, my sense of control, or whatever would dethrone God in my life. I hope that I can come to believe this:

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

-God speaking through the prophet Isaiah, Isaiah 43:19