Silence from Heaven

Why doesn’t God stop the pain? I think that, like so many relationships on facebook, “it’s complicated.”

Either God can not make these changes, or He will not. Often this thought process degenerates into a “God is either incapable or cruel” mentality which could not be further from the truth. There is of course the argument that evil and pain are necessary in order for free will to exist, and I’m not discounting that,  but let’s assume  that incapability is excluded by the definition of  ’God’ and focus on the latter option. Perhaps  God doesn’t answer some prayers because they’re inconsequential. We just don’t have the wisdom to see that they are. If God answered all prayers, there would be a lot more people who owned superbowl rings.* I used to pray that God would do anything to make me thin. After taking meds which make the thought of food so nausiating that it’s better to feel the pang of hunger and the stress of low blood sugar than eat, I woefully regret that prayer. If that’s the cost of being thin (for me) then that was a stupid request (not to mention superficial). I’m really glad God didn’t grant me that request.

Yet not all prayers are as trivial as personal accomplishment and vanity. There are selfless prayers for weighty matters. Beyond the fact that God understands pain and suffering far more than we could, perhaps even such prayers are peripheral. I don’t mean to make light of suffering, but while it may be all-consuming in the circumstance, it is but the blink in the eye of eternity.

Joni Eareckson Tada, a quadriplegic who was paralyzed in an accident as a teenager, prayed for deliverance or death many times, but in the end found herself saying:

I am actually excited at these opportunities “to suffer for His sake” if it means I can increase my capacity to praise God in the process. Maybe it sounds glib or irresponsible to say that. Yet, I really do feel my paralysis is unimportant.

-Joni Eareckson Tada, Joni

Jesus, also, recognized His desire for deliverance from the cross as inconsequential compared to God’s plan for good:

“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

-Jesus, Matthew 26:39b

Let me be perfectly honest, I hate what I’ve gone through, that I’m separated from the friends and community I had become a part of, that I’ve lost money, rank, and independence. I can’t sleep -as evidenced by the time I’m actually writing this post- and I’m in pain. I hate the fact I have to give up so much, but if this thorn is a tool in God’s hands, if I could encourage one person through my experiences or if one person could see the love of God that I see, I would cherish my thorn as if it were my own life. A thorn in God’s hands is greater than any pen or sword.

I’ve watched my dreams all fade away
And blister in the sun
Everything I’ve ever had is unraveled and undone
I’ve set upon a worthless stack
Of my ambitious plans
And the people that I’ve loved the most
Have turned their backs and ran

This is the good life
I’ve lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of
This is the good life
I found everything
I could ever need
Here in Your arms

Loneliness has left me searching
For someone to love
Poverty has changed my view
Of what true riches are
Sorrow’s opened up my eyes
To see what real joy is
Pain has been the catalyst
To my heart’s happiness

This is the good life
I’ve lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of
This is the good life
I found everything
I could ever need
Here in Your arms

What good would it be
If you had everything
But you wouldn’t have
The only thing you need

This is the good life
I’ve lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of
This is the good life
I found everything
I could ever need
Here in Your arms

-Audio Adrenaline, Good Life

*I’m using the term “answer” in the affirmative sense. I believe God does respond to all prayers, but sometimes it is difficult to distinguish between a “no” and waiting for a response.